It has been a while

I have been feeling the need to slow down and live life in the moment. Be very aware of exactly what I am doing and why. For the last year I have been stretched thin between business, family , church blah blah. I may be cooking dinner while worrying about some unrelated thing. Sometimes I was going through entire days to look back and realize that while I accomplished alot of things I wasnt mindful of any of them. I made it part of my resolution to take one step, one day , one breath at a time. That has resulted in no blogging. Blogging tends to come from me thinking about things I need to 'work out'.
A couple of weeks ago a young preacher came and spoke to our congregation. He said some things that really resonated with me. He said that when he got saved he felt like he needed to "DO" something. He bought this big ol' Bible, and got the preacher suits going. He got a haircut, and pressured his wife for them to have the perfect family. He eventually burned out and went to a hotel room to seek God. He said that God told him that the reason he was so unhappy is becaues he wasn't who God saved him to be. God needs us to be who we are....thats why he made us who we are. He doesn't need us to get all 'sold out' and become someone else. I realized months and months ago that God wasn't able to use me until I was willing to just simply be me. Not all holy and special sister so and so me...just regular little me. That was such a revelation, and I immediately stopped standardizing and I stopped striving to be something and somebody that I am not meant by God to be. What was cool about the church service wasn't the revelation that "Hey, I'm alright" I already had thatone in hand..but the revelation that EVERYBODY goes through the same pitfalls. Legalistic thoughts, or works, striving to DO something to achieve Grace..these are human ideas and common to men. I'm not like some big loser who had no foresight and fell into a legalistic trap. Lots of folks do, its all about the journey. I can tell you that isn't the way because I walked that way, I did that I have the bobby pins to prove it. Someone who has never done it someone who says "well I never thought that was necessary" sniff sniff..that person in my life has never left the nest and still does what her Mama does like her Mama does it. And hey thats groovy if thats the life you lead, but for me I'm glad I took the trip, had experiences and can tell you absolutely what I believe because I have seen options. I think if we're really seeking God, then it isn't going to look like everybody elses seeking and the journey is gonna be wierd and sometimes you'll end up places you didn't know you'd EVER go but in the end thats how God grows us. I had to go through all the junk, all the standards, all the guilt and inadequate unworthy stuff to know what Grace truely was when I got back to it.